Online friends: a solution for loneliness.
It’s funny how we can easily connect to each other via the internet nowadays, yet more and more people are struggling with loneliness. We thought social media would help us. Boy, how wrong we are. Yes, they provide a connecting platform for us to connect with other people. But most interactions are self-promoting or capitalist, like ads and PR news.
As human beings, we need real authentic connections with other human beings, not superficial ones. We worked so hard to cover our life with beautiful plastic roses to ensure our life looked great. Of course, our mental states were already on the verge of collapsing with all of those efforts. So once the Covid19 pandemic happened, it blew away our fake garden and revealed a sad reality that millions of people yearn for those missing meaningful relationships.
I was one among them. I lost the connection with friends and family. It came to the point that I knew I had to do something, or I might do something stupid. I started reading research and articles on how to deal with my sense of loneliness. I discovered my remedy — Online friends and communities. These online friends have saved me from spiraling into depression.
The benefit of having online friends.
People think that online friends can’t replace offline friends. They think because we don’t see each other face to face, everything is just faked information. This is true if we think about how we may only exchange text via apps or social media. But it’s not fair to label online friendships that way. With new technology in our hands, we can call or even face time each other. We can still have those human interactions if we want to.
Also, it’s not about choosing one or another group. We can have both, I still hang out with my friends occasionally, and I also chat with my online friends. No one can and should be responsible for filling all of your needs.
Connecting with people in the online world gets rid of the fear of judgment. We benefit from what I call being unknown. We can share our opinion without revealing our true identities at first. This can create a perceived sense of safety and freedom to express ourselves more openly without fearing judgment or social repercussions. Once we’re ready, we can then start sharing more to deepen relationships.
In my case, I have a gaming community where we use our codename instead of our name. We don’t know each other real names or what we look like, but we spend time together on calls and playing games together almost every day. We talk about life, problem, and struggles. And to be honest, we don’t really care. All We need to know is that those people we’re spending time with are good people, and we’re welcome here.
Doing a mission with my friends
How to find online friends?
The online world is a big place, and it can feel like looking for a needle in a haystack to find people you think you can connect with. Here’re some ideas to help you start out:
Online Communities/forum — This is how I met my gaming friends. If you’re interested in some topics, it’s likely that someone else out there shares your interests. The simplest way is to google it. It usually takes time some time. In my case, It took me a few weeks to navigate through Reddit before I found potential communities since I had never used the forum before.
Social media — While I’m not a big fan of social media, many people find it a nice place to connect with others. Similar to online communities, Social media have many communities about various topics. You can easily search and find options to choose from.
Online courses — I’m an avid learner (ok, I’m a nerd). I spend at least a few hours per week on online classes. They usually have a community within their program. Some may use social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, while others have their own platform on their websites or apps. Participating in their communities with other members is always a good way. You’re most likely to share the same interests, at least on the topic you’re eager to learn.
Gaming — Online gaming community is a tricky one. Many of these communities can be toxic. But if you know how to approach and screen them, there’re many possibilities for you (we’ll talk about how to screen people in the next section). Since many games require you to partner with other players to do content, you probably have few chances to interact with other people. Say hi or even makes some jokes about the scene or mission you’re having together. Helping them is also a friendly and healthy way to start friendships.
Most great courses also have great communities, make sure to make the most of them.
(Shout out to Slow Growth Academy!)
How to know if you have found the right place
To know if you find the right place, you’ll need some criteria — lists of what you’re looking for in those places. For example, I want to find a group that respects me, is friendly enough to joke or tease each other without getting angry, and is honest. Once you tick all those boxes, it’s a good sign you have found the right place for you.
It’ll take time and participation to get the vibe of each group, but you’ll feel in your gut if it’s right for you. You’ll feel safe and want to hang out with those people because you believe they’re nice and care about you.
On the other hand, if you don’t feel like participating with members, then that’s a clear sign that you may want to find another one. I don’t think there’s a good or bad people. It’s about chemistry.
In my case, the first community I joined was a gaming discord group. The first time I joined the call, one of the members asked me, “How often do I masturbate?” I don’t need to say I excused myself and left the group. But I got it after a few more tries, and now I have many good friends to hang out with every day.
One last thing about the screening process, there are more and more scammers nowadays. It’s crucial to notice the red signs to protect yourself while exploring new friendships. The biggest rule is not to give any money to anyone you meet online, whether it’s an investment invitation or borrowing. Scammers have a million ways to trick you, and they exploit the desperation of lonely people to deceive their victims.
“If someone brings the money talk up, be cautious.”
How to maintain your online relationships
Maintaining online relationships requires the same things you need to keep offline ones. You need good communication, effort, and be empathetic with others.
Communication — Good communication is critical to any relationship. You need to learn how to express your authentic self properly. As long as you’re friendly and helpful to others, you shouldn’t have much problem. However, good communication is like oxygen, we don’t notice it, but once we don’t have it, it’s a serious problem. Here’s a tip for you: Be clear and concise when it comes to text. Fancy and lengthy messages usually confuse the receiver.
Effort — even if it’s an online relationship, it doesn’t mean that you can spend less time than you would do with offline relationships. Be consistent. Spend time with them regularly. Imagine someone reaching out to you once every month compared to once weekly. Which one do you think will develop a closer bond? Sometimes, just hopping in to check what they’re doing or a message asking how they are doing is enough to make them feel closer to you.
Empathy — First of all, Don’t expect your friends to be perfect. We may upset or annoy others from time to time, but it’s critical to accept them as who they are. If you think you don’t like how they act around you, be reasonable and tell them politely. If you find yourself in the same situation repeatedly, it may be a better choice to leave. We don’t have the right to change anyone if they don’t want to.
Also, it’s always a nice gesture to reach out to them and asks if they’re ok when you notice something is off. If you suspect you might upset them, tell them you didn’t intend to do that and you’re sorry. Most people will open up to you, and you can deepen your relationships. They’ll feel that you care about them, and who doesn’t like that?
This is a snippet of what my friend told me when I thanked him for always being there for me. (Yes, I cried)
Summary
Having online friends and communities can help you combat loneliness. While finding and developing meaningful online friendships takes time and effort, they provide support systems via authentic connections, even though they may not be face-to-face. While having these great online relationships is helpful, we still need to learn how to screen people before letting them into our life. But once you have someone by your side and a place where you belong, you’ll thank yourself for taking that step.
