What I learned from getting Love scammed.

How it all started

In April 2021, I was dating a guy I had met online. He was attractive and had a great sense of humor. We talked every day about everything, from our favorite foods to what was happening in our lives. We even recorded ourselves singing songs for each other. Needless to say, I fell for him. It was like a dream come true.

One day, he invited me to invest with him on a platform I had never heard of. At first, I was hesitant, but he asked me if I trusted him. With all the romance I was experiencing, I agreed to invest with him. I started with a small amount and continued to deposit more daily. I nearly doubled my initial investment in the app. Now it seemed even better: a handsome boyfriend who was a professional trader and deeply cared for me.

Too good to be true

Two weeks after starting the investment, I wanted to withdraw money from the app. I talked to customer service, and they told me I couldn't withdraw because I had violated the app's rules by investing with someone I knew instead of doing it by myself. They suggested that depositing more money into the app was the only way to solve the problem.

What followed were a series of problems and excuses for why I couldn't withdraw my money. I panicked and messaged the man, but he suddenly turned cold and said it was my fault since he had never had those problems before. The next thing I knew, I had lost all of my savings and even my inheritance from my parents. Of course, that charming prince I thought I had found also disappeared.

This incident traumatized me. I blamed myself for being so foolish to fall for such a cheap trick. Then, I started worrying about what others would think of me. They would likely think I was stupid, too naive, couldn't care for myself, or was too desperate for love. I ended up having an anxiety attack for the first time in my life. I had a hard time breathing, let alone eating or sleeping.

Slowly climbing back up.

For two whole weeks, I was sitting alone in the corner of the room, not talking to anyone, and barely eating anything. I was contemplating about the thought of how stupid I was, and it was probably going to be the end of my life. I lost everything. Fortunately, I was too scared to commit suicide.

My parents noticed something was wrong. So they asked me if anything happened. At first, I said no. I was scared of telling them. How could I tell them that I lost all my money to someone I met online, not just my money, but some of theirs too?

But as my mind was at its limit, I eventually broke down in front of them. I shared what happened with them. I saw the disappointed eyes, and It broke my heart. I’d spent more than a decade showing them that I could take care of myself, and now, everything had collapsed.

However, my dad finally said, “It’s okay.” That one short sentence was what I needed to move on from this nightmare. It didn’t wash out all my negative thoughts and feelings, but it made it much lighter for me. After the talks with my parents, I gathered my courage and shared my story with the world, from my best friends to others on my social media.

Valuable life lessons

1. What’s in your mind is not always the truth

After I shared my story with the world, I received hundreds of offers for help, messages checking on my well-being, and words of encouragement. Even old friends who I had lost touch with reached out to me with kind messages. I also got messages from people who were going through the same thing and asked for advice on how to deal with them.

What we think in our minds is crucial to how we live our lives. I don’t know why we somehow love to catastrophize our experiences. Here’s what I thought back then,

"I can't believe I fell for that scam. I'm so stupid and gullible."
"I'll never be able to trust anyone again. I'm destined to be alone forever."
"because nobody will ever love me for who I am. I'm going to die alone and miserable."

In the book called “Crucial Conversation,” the authors said that we need ample related information to understand a situation and make a good decision. That information can come from ourselves, but most of the time, we need to gather it from outside. We need to ask people what they think and then put it together with what we believe to see the situation clearly so we can decide what to do with it.

2. Learn from mistakes

Mistakes happen to everyone - it's just a part of life. But what really matters is how we handle them. If we beat ourselves up over our mistakes and constantly engage in negative self-talk, it can leave us feeling discouraged and unmotivated.

However, if we approach our mistakes positively and view them as opportunities for growth and learning, we can use them to become better versions of ourselves. To do this, we must be kind to ourselves, acknowledge our mistakes, and figure out how to do better next time.

We can always learn from our mistakes, but we also need to accept the consequences of our actions, no matter how difficult they may be. Instead of blaming others, it's better to take responsibility for our mistakes and focus on how we can recover from them. For me, it was a matter of checking my remaining funds, creating a balance sheet, and brainstorming ways to recoup any losses and make additional income.

Looking at things differently can be helpful. If I hadn't fallen for that guy, I would have kept all my cash, but I also would have stayed in a miserable job. I'm glad I did because now I have great new friends and coaches who've helped me grow and learn about life coaching.

Personal growth and friendship are more important than money. Money can be earned again, but genuine connections are rare. With a positive mindset, we can always find ways to make more money. But it's the memories and relationships we create that make life truly fulfilling. This leads us to the final point.

3. Money is not everything.

The experience of being scammed made me realize the importance of living authentically and appreciating the people who matter to me. I came close to ending my life because of the scam, which made me recognize how short and fragile life can be. It helped me identify what I truly wanted and go for those things.

I learned that true happiness comes from simple things like eating with loved ones and spending time with my dogs. It made me realize that I don't need much for a good life. I used to think I needed lots of money to be happy, but now I see how little I actually need. I don't care for fancy cars or expensive watches; my biggest expense is food (yes, I'm a food lover!).

This realization also gave me the courage to quit my previous job. It was the first time I felt true freedom. I also cut out toxic relationships from my life and became more authentic to myself. I learned that life is short, and we should spend it with people who matter and do things that make us happy. Expressing my appreciation to the people who were important to me strengthened our relationships and brought us closer together.

4. Relearn to trust others again

Trauma can create an invisible mental wall that prevents us from trusting others fully. It’s challenging to learn how to trust others and form healthy relationships. But my journey taught me that people are complex, and it is unfair to generalize them based on the actions of a few people. People have different personalities, motivations, and life experiences that shape their behavior.

Instead of generalizing people, I developed a system for determining what is acceptable and what is not in my relationships with others. For example, I found that asking for money in any way and being disrespectful are unacceptable behaviors, and I try to avoid people who show these traits.

Some of the most effective ways to break down the mental wall are through therapy, mindfulness practices, and having a supportive community. Therapy can help individuals process their experiences and develop new coping mechanisms to manage their feelings and trust issues.

I met with my therapist once a month for six months and learned so much about myself and my feelings. Combining therapy with meditation has helped me become more present and aware of my emotions and learn how to cope with them. Having a supportive community is also valuable, as it teaches me how to trust others and provides a sense of safety and belonging.

Bonus tip: Help the one you loved from the experience

Love scams are devastating experiences that can leave victims feeling both practical and emotional pain. To help a friend who has fallen victim to a love scam, it's important to be supportive and understanding. Listen to your friends or families without judgment, and provide a safe space for them to share their feelings and concerns.

It's also important to encourage them to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to work through their emotions and develop coping strategies. In addition, you can help your friend take practical steps to protect themselves, such as reporting the scam to authorities, blocking the scammer on social media and messaging platforms, and changing their passwords and other security information.

Recovery from a love scam can be a long and difficult process for your loved ones, and they may need ongoing support and encouragement. Encourage them to focus on self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and engaging in activities they enjoy. Remind them they are not alone and that resources are available to help them through this difficult time.

Summary

My experience with being love scammed was one of the most painful times of my life. However, it also taught me invaluable lessons about myself and others. I learned to be more careful in my relationships, understanding that not everyone has good intentions. At the same time, I also learned that it's okay to be open and to build relationships with people I can trust.

Despite the trauma of being love scammed, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, as they have made me stronger and wiser. So to anyone who has experienced a similar situation, remember that while it may be painful, it can also be an opportunity for growth and empowerment.