Recreate your story

I used to wish I had different genetics, like being taller with a Western physique. Why? Because I despised feeling small around others. Once, during a visit to Switzerland, I felt like a dwarf—utterly powerless.

This feeling became so severe that it led to social anxiety, making me afraid to talk to anyone. I was excessively self-conscious about my appearance.

That was the story I told myself for over a decade until I had the opportunity to discuss it with my coach, and everything began to change.

The Powerful Conversation

"I hate being short. I feel completely powerless around people. I don't feel safe at all," I said to my coach.

"Why do you feel that way?" he asked.

"Well, people have to look down to talk to me because I'm so small. It would be easy for them to attack me, and I wouldn't be able to defend myself," I replied.

"But why would anyone attack you just because you're smaller than them?"

Suddenly, a flashback hit me—I remembered being bullied by a taller kid who made fun of my height. I felt humiliated and scared, and from that moment, I began to feel powerless.

Suddenly, everything became clear. It wasn't my height that was the problem. It was how I interpreted that experience that made me feel that way. It's the story I created in my mind.

The Big Realization

Though it wasn't a miraculous cure for my insecurities about my height, understanding where they came from made me feel lighter.

I still couldn't figure out why he chose to mock my height. But I'm certain of one thing—it wasn't my fault. There's nothing wrong with being short.

I started seeing the situation for what it was rather than the distorted narrative I had created in my mind. What happened that day was solely a result of that kid's inability to handle his emotions, which led him to hurt me.

The Ideal World?

In an ideal world, I would have been born with great genetics. I would be six feet tall with a well-built, attractive physique. (Maybe someone like Ryan Reynolds. Don’t ask me why, his face just pops into my head.) That life would be amazing, wouldn't it?

My intuition tells me it would definitely be different, but not necessarily better. I can see how my life would have transformed if I had a different physique. Still, being short taught me invaluable lessons.

Due to my insecurities, I pushed myself in other aspects of life. It was a necessity. I couldn't imagine surviving as someone who was short, unintelligent, and irresponsible—it would have been too much to handle. So I did what I could: I studied hard and learned new skills.

The Unexpected Results

As a result of my hard work and dedication, my English skills improved tremendously, providing me with many great opportunities.

Being afraid of taller individuals forced me to become highly observant. I developed keen eyes and could discern people's body language, from their speech patterns to subtle gestures like how their eyes show signs of disappointment.

I learned how and when to communicate in different situations. I also became great at summarizing what people said, making them feel heard and content when talking to me.

Most importantly, since I experienced the pain of being bullied, I've made a conscious effort to be kind and supportive to everyone. It has become part of my identity. People consider me a kind and trustworthy person. At this point, I no longer fear being hurt or sensing hostility from others.

I highly doubt I would have acquired these skills if I had been content with my physique. I wouldn't have had the motivation to strive for personal growth and become a better person. I wouldn't have become the kind of person who earns people's trust. Even worse, I might have become a bully, looking down on others.

Yes, there are still moments when I wish I were taller. However, when I carefully consider the pros and cons of being who I am, I wouldn't trade my experiences along this journey for mere height.

Takeaways

It's a universal truth that we cannot change our past, no matter how badly we desire it. However, we do have the ability to interpret those stories. Before writing those stories in our minds, it's essential to view them from different angles in a well-rounded manner. The way we tell these stories can easily help or hurt us.

Self-awareness is key to understanding situations properly, particularly our emotions and their origins. Remember, it took me more than a decade to have this realization because I wasn't aware of my own thoughts until my coach helped me.

Another question that I find helpful in almost any situation where I feel stuck is, "So what can I do?" It always helps me in thinking about the next step. "Now that I know I'm unhappy with my physique and I can't change my height, what can I do?" That's when I decided to take charge of my own life and develop healthy habits like exercise and mindful eating.

Of course, there will always be experiences that simply suck. Losing someone you love or being betrayed is never pleasant. It's important to give ourselves time to process our emotions before moving forward. However, there is always something we can do to improve our perception of the situation.

I may sound like I have everything together now, but trust me, I don't. I'm still a work in progress, just like every one of us. Some days I feel down and want to give up. Some days my emotions prevent me from doing what I should. But the most important thing is to keep going and do what we can each day, and hope for the best.